So, you’re getting engaged. Congratulations! You’ve spent months subtly (or not-so-subtly) dropping hints, perfecting your Pinterest wedding board, and rehearsing your surprise-but-not-too-surprised face for the proposal. And now, just as you’re basking in the glow of impending fiancée-hood, the real challenge begins: dealing with the in-laws.
Before you start stress-Googling “how to be the perfect daughter-in-law” or considering witness protection as an alternative, take a deep breath. In-laws, while occasionally terrifying, are just people. People who raised your soon-to-be spouse and now have very strong opinions on how you should live your life. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back. Here are 10 simple (but crucial) strategies to dodge drama and maintain your sanity.
1. Master the Art of the Polite Deflection
Your future mother-in-law will inevitably ask, “So, when’s the wedding?” approximately five minutes after you get engaged. Your best move? Smile, nod, and say something like, “Oh, we’re just soaking in the excitement for now!” Translation: I refuse to let you plan my wedding before I even post the engagement announcement.
2. Accept That Your Instagram Caption Will Be Judged
The moment you post that ring selfie, the group chat will explode. Your future in-laws (and their cousins, coworkers, and hairdressers) will scrutinize every word of your engagement post. “Just a girl who said yes!” might seem cute, but brace yourself for someone to comment, “Did he even have a choice?” Pick something neutral, like “Excited for this next chapter!” and avoid hashtags that suggest you won a prize (#GotTheRing #BestFianceEver #SuckerForLife).
3. Pretend to Care About Their Wedding Advice
Your mother-in-law will 100% bring out her old wedding album and suggest you wear her “timeless” (read: aggressively outdated) wedding dress. Instead of saying, “Absolutely not,” go with, “Wow, that’s so special! I’d love to incorporate something sentimental from your wedding.” (Aka, maybe I’ll borrow a hairpin, but keep that poofy-sleeved nightmare away from me.)
4. Set Boundaries Early, But Gently
If you don’t want your future in-laws inviting their yoga instructor to your wedding, now is the time to set the record straight. Instead of screaming, “It’s MY wedding!” (tempting, I know), try something like, “We’re keeping things small, but we’d love to celebrate with everyone in another way!” Boom, soft no, no hurt feelings.
5. Prepare for the “When Are the Babies Coming?” Question
Engagement isn’t even official yet, and someone’s already asking when you’ll be producing grandkids. (Probably at Thanksgiving. Over turkey. With everyone listening.) Your best bet? “We’re just excited to enjoy being engaged for now!” This is polite, vague, and subtly says, “Mind your business, Aunt Karen.”
6. Don’t Engage in Wedding Budget Battles
If they’re helping pay for the wedding, expect a few suggestions (read: demands). Instead of fighting over why you don’t want an ice sculpture of their family crest, pick one thing they can control (maybe the welcome bags?) so they feel involved. You get your dream venue, they get to pick the chocolates. Everyone wins.
7. Learn the Delicate Art of Selective Hearing
Future in-laws will say wild things. “Are you sure you want an outdoor wedding? The wind could ruin the photos!” “You’re taking his last name, right?” “You know, I made all my kids’ baby food from scratch!” Just nod, smile, and let it float away like a balloon. Not every comment deserves a response.
8. Find an Ally in the Family
Every family has that one sane person who finds the drama as exhausting as you do. Maybe it’s your fiancé’s chill cousin or his fun aunt who drinks too much wine at Christmas. Befriend them. They will be your lifeline.
9. Keep Your Fiancé in the Loop
If his mom is texting you daily about flower arrangements, tell him. You two are a team, and he should be the buffer when needed. After all, you didn’t propose to his mom, so she shouldn’t be making all the decisions.
10. Remember: It’s Your Wedding, Not a Performance
At the end of the day, your wedding isn’t about pleasing everyone (impossible, by the way). It’s about celebrating your love. Some family members might complain, but that’s their issue, not yours. Just focus on marrying your person and having the best time doing it.
Final Thoughts: Share Your Survival Stories!
So, engaged gals, have you faced any wild in-law moments yet? Spill the tea in the comments! What’s the craziest thing your future MIL has suggested? Let’s laugh (and commiserate) together.