Ladies, we need to talk. Specifically, about him, the man you’ve been dating for what feels like 37 years (realistically, it’s been three, but who’s counting?), and yet he still hasn’t put a ring on it. Meanwhile, your Pinterest board titled “Future Mrs. [Insert His Last Name Here]” is overflowing, your mom keeps dropping the phrase “biological clock,” and your great-aunt Sharon won’t stop asking when she’s getting wedding cake.
The struggle is real, and the waiting game? Painful. But fear not, my fellow pre-fiancées! If your man is blissfully unaware that you’re ready for a rock the size of a small planet, it’s time to get creative with your hints. Because, let’s be honest, subtlety is overrated.
1. The Rom-Com “Research” Nights
Casually suggest a movie night and stack the lineup with nothing but engagement-heavy classics: The Proposal, Sweet Home Alabama, Bride Wars, bonus points if you throw in My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the family pressure. Each time a proposal scene happens, clutch your heart and whisper, “Ugh, so romantic.” He’ll either get the hint or start asking why all your movie choices involve a man panicking before popping the question.
2. Strategic Instagram Saves & Accidental Shares
Start “accidentally” DMing him engagement ring inspiration, ya know, for fun. Even better, react to an engagement post with an exaggerated “OMG, I’M SOBBING” in front of him and watch his wheels turn. If he’s still clueless, respond to a bridal photoshoot with “This. But make it us.”
3. Recruit His Mom (or Best Friend, or Dog)
Men are mysteriously more likely to listen to their mom than their girlfriend of half a decade. Befriend his mother and let her work her magic. If she’s not an option, his best friend will do, just make sure they don’t roast him so hard that he rethinks the whole relationship. If all else fails, teach his dog to fetch small jewelry boxes.
4. Ring Shopping “Coincidences”
“Oh wow, look at this jewelry store we just so happened to walk by!” If you’re feeling bold, drag him inside under the guise of “just browsing.” Try on a few rings, sigh dramatically, and let the sales associate take it from there. Trust me, they’ve seen it all.
5. Propose First… Hypothetically
While watching a sunset, sigh and say, “If I were to propose to you, I’d do it right here.” Let the words hang in the air like a well-placed Taylor Swift bridge. Watch his reaction, does he laugh nervously? Does he check his pocket for a suspiciously shaped box? Either way, the seed is planted.
6. The Ultimate Test: The Wedding Expo Trap
Tell him there’s an event this weekend, but leave out the detail that it’s a wedding expo. Drag him along and casually collect business cards from venues and florists. If he makes it through without passing out, congrats! You have a keeper. If he bolts after the first lace-draped booth, well… it’s been real.
7. Flat-Out Tell Him (Shocking, I Know)
Here’s a wild idea: Just tell him. No mind games, no hint-dropping, no coded Instagram stories. Sit down and say, “Hey, I love you, and I’m ready to get engaged. What’s the game plan?” He might appreciate the directness and even gasp already have something planned. If not? Well, at least now you know where you stand.
So, future brides, which method are you trying first? Or do you have a genius proposal-hinting strategy I missed? Drop your thoughts in the comments, let’s help each other out before Great Aunt Sharon gets any more aggressive with the wedding questions.
Happy hinting!