You’ve been subtly (or not-so-subtly) refreshing your Pinterest board since 2016, dodging your aunt’s When’s the big day? questions at Thanksgiving, and strategically hinting at your dream ring while “casually” walking by every jewelry store in the mall. And now, it’s finally happening. You can practically hear the wedding bells, or at least the cha-ching of deposits draining your savings.
But before you start debating peonies vs. roses and crafting the perfect “He asked, I said yes! “ Instagram caption, let’s talk about something way more important: commitment.
Marriage is about more than just securing an aesthetically pleasing diamond and achieving peak engagement-photo aesthetic. It’s about choosing a life partner, not just a wedding co-star. So, before you say yes, here are 11 things you and your almost-fiancé need to discuss (like, yesterday).
1. What Does Commitment Actually Mean to You?
Before you dive into a lifetime of “for better or worse,” make sure you both agree on what commitment even looks like. Is it monogamy? Is it staying together even when your partner chews like a farm animal? Discuss the nitty-gritty details now before it turns into a “But I thought we agreed on open relationships!” situation five years in.
2. Money: Are You Both Broke in Compatible Ways?
Love is great, but student loans and credit card debt are forever (or at least until your 50s). Do you both splurge on iced lattes like you’re tech millionaires, or is one of you the “Let’s cut our own hair to save money” type? Opposites attract, but financial stress is real, figure out how you’ll navigate budgets, bills, and the audacity of taxes together.
3. Kids: Yes? No? How Many? And Who’s Waking Up at 3 AM?
Some people assume marriage automatically means a white picket fence and 2.5 children. Others assume their fur baby counts. Before you commit, get real about whether you want kids, how you want to raise them, and who’s handling diaper duty vs. PTA meetings vs. figuring out how to pay for college.
4. The In-Laws: Blessing or Curse?
Love may be blind, but family has 20/20 vision and zero chill. Are you cool with his mom showing up unannounced? Will you two be spending Christmas with your family or fighting about it every year until the end of time? Boundaries are everything, discuss them now to avoid turning into that couple that argues about Thanksgiving dinner every. single. year.
5. Career Ambitions: Are You Both Chasing Dreams or Settling in the Suburbs?
Are you both workaholics? Does one of you dream of quitting your job to become a professional llama farmer? Before you commit, make sure your ambitions align, or at least that you’re okay with supporting each other’s wild career shifts (because one of you will inevitably want a major life change at some point).
6. How You Handle Fights: Are You an Argument Avoider or a Drama Queen?
Spoiler alert: you will fight. The real question is, how do you fight? Do you talk it out like mature adults, or does one of you turn into an emotional escape artist while the other rage-cleans the entire apartment? Conflict resolution styles matter, figure out if you’re compatible (or at least willing to work on it).
7. Chores: Who’s Actually Cleaning the Toilet?
Every couple says, “We’ll split everything 50/50!” until they realize one person always ends up doing more dishes, more laundry, and more deep sighing while scrubbing the bathtub. Talk now about how you’ll divide up household tasks, because resentment over dirty socks left right next to the hamper? That’s how divorces start.
8. Social Life: Party Animals or Couch Potatoes?
If one of you thrives on weekend brunches, bar crawls, and spontaneous trips, while the other prefers Netflix, sweatpants, and staying home forever, Houston, we have a problem. Make sure your lifestyles are at least semi-compatible or that you’re okay with doing your own thing sometimes.
9. Love Languages: Are You Speaking the Same One?
If your idea of romance is love letters and long walks on the beach, but he thinks taking out the trash without being asked is peak romance, you might be in for some frustration. Learn each other’s love languages now, it’ll save you years of “But I thought you knew I needed words of affirmation!” meltdowns.
10. The “What Ifs”: Life Can Be a Messy B*tch
What if one of you gets sick? What if someone loses a job? What if you suddenly inherit six cats from a long-lost aunt? Life gets messy, make sure you’re both in it for the long haul, even when things get weird (because they will).
11. Why Do You Even Want to Get Married?
Are you doing it because you’re madly in love and want to build a life together, or because “Well, we’ve been together forever, so…”? Be honest. Marriage is not just the next item to check off on your adulting list, it’s a lifelong commitment. Make sure you’re both in it for the right reasons.
Ready to Say Yes? Or at Least Have an Awkward Conversation?
So, now that we’ve obliterated the fairy tale and replaced it with real talk, are you still feeling confident about that proposal? If yes, congrats! If not, don’t panic, just grab your almost-fiancé, pour a glass of wine (or two), and start talking.
And hey, if you’ve already had these conversations (or just realized you desperately need to), drop your own commitment must-discuss topics in the comments! Let’s help each other avoid future “I had no idea he was a secret hoarder” disasters.