Ladies, let’s be real. You’ve had a secret Pinterest board titled “Future Mrs. (Insert His Last Name Here)” since your third date. You’ve strategically hinted at ring styles by casually strolling past every jewelry store at the mall. Your bestie has a text drafted that says, “OMG, he finally did it!!!” ready to go at a moment’s notice. And yet… something feels off.
Maybe it’s the way he changes the subject every time you bring up the future. Maybe it’s how your mom keeps asking, “So, have you two talked about the big P-word?” (And no, she’s not referring to pizza, unfortunately). If you’re feeling a little unsure about whether you and your boo are actually on the same page, here are five telltale signs you’re not communicating enough before the proposal, along with some bestie-level advice to fix it.
1. You’re More Prepared for the Instagram Announcement Than the Actual Marriage
You’ve already drafted the perfect caption (“Forever starts now ”), debated which nail polish will make your ring sparkle the most, and maybe even rehearsed your shocked-but-not-too-shocked reaction for the big moment. But have you and your guy actually talked about your future together in a serious way? Like, beyond wedding hashtags and whether he’s okay with a “subtle” videographer hiding in the bushes?
Fix it: Take a step back from the aesthetic and focus on the essentials. Have an honest conversation about finances, family expectations, and future goals. You know, the kind of things that last longer than an Instagram story.
2. He Has No Idea How You Feel About Changing Your Last Name
Are you hyped to take his last name, planning a hyphenation masterpiece, or low-key considering just keeping yours? If you haven’t mentioned it to him yet, he’s probably assuming you’re going to be Mrs. John Smith and call it a day.
Fix it: Bring it up in a chill way, maybe while binge-watching a rom-com where the heroine gets called by the wrong last name at work. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
3. You’re Avoiding the “Big Three” Topics: Money, Kids, and In-Laws
You know what’s fun? Dreaming about your honeymoon in the Maldives. You know what’s not fun? Realizing post-proposal that he wants five kids and you were thinking… maybe one? Or that his mom expects weekly Sunday dinners, and you were hoping to keep visits to a biannual minimum.
Fix it: It’s time to rip off the conversational Band-Aid. A marriage is a partnership, not just a party. Chat about your deal-breakers before you say “yes” so you’re not negotiating major life choices via text three months into the engagement.
4. Your Entire Relationship is Just “Vibes”
You two have fun. You have inside jokes. He always knows your coffee order. But does he know how you feel about career ambitions, relocating for work, or whether you’re team “joint bank account” or “what’s mine is mine”?
Fix it: Schedule a “life check-in” over dinner or drinks. Frame it like an adventure: “Let’s talk about our five-year plan like we’re the CEOs of Our Relationship, Inc.” If he’s in it for the long haul, he’ll be down.
5. You’re Low-Key Afraid to Bring Up Certain Topics
If you’re hesitating to ask him certain questions because you don’t want to “ruin the moment” or “scare him off,” that’s a sign in itself. A solid relationship thrives on openness, not just on hoping for the best.
Fix it: Relationships should feel like a safe space, not a minefield. If discussing real-life topics makes things tense, that’s worth addressing before a ring is involved. A proposal should feel exciting, not anxiety-inducing.
The Bottom Line
Marriage is more than just a cute proposal video and a sparkling diamond, it’s about real partnership. And while communication may not be as thrilling as picking out floral arrangements, it’s what makes the difference between a fairytale romance and a “Wait, what did I just agree to?” moment.
So, tell me, have you had any ahem “fun” pre-proposal convos? What’s a topic you wish you’d discussed sooner? Drop your stories in the comments so we can all learn (and maybe laugh) together!