So, you’re on the brink of engagement. You’ve been dropping hints heavier than your Sephora cart total, your Pinterest board has evolved into a wedding war room, and every time your boyfriend reaches for his pocket, your heart stops, not out of love, but out of sheer panic that this might be it. Meanwhile, Aunt Linda has been grilling you harder than the Fourth of July barbecue: When’s the proposal? Have you looked at venues? What will your Instagram caption be? (Priorities, obviously.)
But before you waltz into your newly-engaged era and change your bio to future Mrs. [Insert Last Name Here], let’s talk about keeping your independence intact. Because as magical as engagement is, you don’t suddenly have to morph into half of a Hallmark movie couple where you only exist in tandem. You are still you, just with a little extra bling.
Here’s how to make sure you keep your independence (and sanity) before saying yes to forever:
1. Keep Your Own Hobbies Alive (Even If He Doesn’t Get Them)
Remember when your Sundays were reserved for hot yoga, watercolor painting, or binge-watching true crime documentaries? Don’t abandon those passions just because your weekends now involve engagement ring shopping. Trust me, no one wants to be the girl who only talks about center stone settings and carat weights. Keep doing the things that make you feel like you, even if your fiancé-to-be doesn’t understand why you need another houseplant.
2. Stay Financially Savvy (Because Love Doesn’t Pay the Credit Card Bill)
Engagement fever can make you temporarily forget that money exists. Suddenly, a $12 latte feels like a necessity, and splurging on a pre-engagement photo shoot (because those are a thing now?) seems reasonable. But before you start planning a registry full of things you don’t need (monogrammed waffle maker, anyone?), make sure you’re still in control of your finances. Keep a personal savings account, one that doesn’t become the honeymoon fund, so you always have the freedom to do your own thing.
3. Don’t Let Your Friendships Fade Into the Wedding Planning Black Hole
Nothing’s worse than the girl who vanishes into fiancée mode and resurfaces only to ask her friends to be bridesmaids. Keep investing in your friendships, and don’t let every conversation revolve around save-the-dates. Your besties love you, but they also love talking about things that don’t involve peony bouquets.
4. Take Solo Trips (Or At Least Solo Target Runs)
Before your schedule is filled with couples’ vacations and joint holiday plans, enjoy some solo time. Book a weekend getaway alone, or at the very least, cherish the pure bliss of wandering Target for two hours without anyone asking if you really need another scented candle. (Spoiler: you do.)
5. Keep Your Last Name (In Your Mind, at Least)
Not saying you have to keep your last name after marriage (you do you, girl), but before you start practicing your future signature on napkins like a lovesick high schooler, remind yourself that you are still your own person. If you do decide to change it, do it because you want to, not because society, his mom, or an old-school monogram guide told you to.
6. Master the Art of Setting Boundaries (Especially with In-Laws)
Engagement means you’re not just marrying him, you’re also signing up for his family’s group chats, opinions, and very strong feelings about Thanksgiving traditions. Start practicing those boundaries now. A polite “That’s a lovely idea, but we’ll decide what works best for us” is a skill that will save your life. (Also, get used to dodging passive-aggressive “just checking in” texts.)
7. Keep Making Decisions Without Running Everything By Him
Yes, marriage is about partnership, but you don’t need a committee meeting to buy new furniture or switch up your hair. If you want bangs, get bangs. If you want to repaint your apartment, grab that roller. Being engaged doesn’t mean you need his approval for every little thing, because let’s be honest, he probably doesn’t even notice when you rearrange the living room anyway.
8. Craft Your Own Engagement Announcement (Without the Societal Pressure)
When the time does come, don’t let Instagram stress you out. You don’t need a grand “She said YES!!” caption or a professional engagement shoot in a field at golden hour. (Unless you want that, in which case, rock it.) Just remember: the engagement is for you, not for social media. So whether you go full influencer mode or casually drop a ring selfie with a “So this happened…”, make sure it feels right for you.
The Final Word
Engagement is exciting, romantic, and yes, a little overwhelming. But through it all, don’t forget that you’re still you, not just someone’s future wife, but a whole, independent person with dreams, interests, and a life beyond wedding hashtags.
So tell me, what’s your biggest I’m still my own person move before getting engaged? Drop your stories in the comments! And if you’ve mastered the art of dodging When’s the wedding?! questions at family gatherings, please, share your wisdom.