So, you’re about to get engaged? First of all, congrats! Second of all, are you okay? Because between obsessing over Pinterest boards, dodging family members who keep mysteriously bringing up marriage, and secretly rehearsing your “OMG, I had no idea!” face for the proposal, I imagine your brain is running on pure caffeine and chaos.
But let’s talk about something important: listening to your partner. Yes, I know, ugh. In between picking the perfect Instagram caption and fielding weirdly invasive questions from Aunt Karen about babies (Ma’am, let me get through the engagement first), actually listening to your future spouse might feel like another item on your never-ending to-do list.
Fear not! Here are eight techniques to help you become the kind of fiancée who actually listens, not just one who nods while mentally debating wedding colors.
1. The “Shut Up and Actually Listen” Method
Let’s start with the basics: when your partner is talking about something important (or even something boring, but still important to them), resist the urge to plan your response while they’re still speaking. Just zip it, absorb, and maybe even repeat back what they said so they know you’re not just thinking about your next manicure appointment.
2. Active Listening: Not Just for Corporate Workshops
Ever seen those professional work emails where people say, “Just circling back!”? Yeah, do that in real life. Nod (but not robotically), make eye contact (yes, put your phone down), and throw in the occasional “That makes sense” so they know you’re engaged (not just engaged engaged).
3. The “Pretend It’s a Reality Show Confessional” Trick
Imagine you’re in a Bachelor interview, recapping what just happened. If your partner vents about a work problem, instead of tuning out and daydreaming about your honeymoon outfits, mentally summarize what they’re saying. Bonus points if you dramatically nod like you’re about to hand out a rose.
4. Don’t Turn Into Judge Judy
Your partner is not always looking for solutions. Sometimes, they just want to vent about how Steve from Accounting is the human equivalent of a wet sock. Resist the urge to go full problem-solving mode unless they ask for advice. Just say things like, “Wow, Steve sounds the worst,” and let them have their moment.
5. The “Pause Before Speaking” Challenge
If you have a habit of interrupting (looking at you, my fellow Type A planners), try a one-second pause before responding. This helps avoid accidentally hijacking the conversation and making it about you (which, to be fair, is hard to resist when you have such great stories).
6. Use “Tell Me More,” Even If You’re Lowkey Bored
Yes, sometimes their interests (sports stats, car maintenance, the intricacies of their favorite video game) may not be as thrilling as Bridgerton. But saying, “Tell me more about that!” makes them feel valued. Plus, let’s be real, you’re gonna expect them to listen when you inevitably have a 45-minute monologue about centerpieces.
7. Mirror Their Energy (Within Reason)
If your partner is excitedly ranting about something, don’t respond in a monotone voice like you’re narrating an insurance commercial. Match their vibe! You don’t have to fake enthusiasm for The Latest Football Trade Drama (shocking, another man got paid a lot to throw a ball), but at least show some emotional effort.
8. Create “No-Distraction Zones”
We’re all guilty of half-listening while scrolling. Set aside some time (maybe during dinner or before bed) where both of you put your phones away and actually talk. Yes, like in the olden days before TikTok took over our lives.
Final Thoughts (Because You Probably Stopped Reading by Now)
Look, listening isn’t just about hearing words, it’s about making your partner feel like they matter. And if you master this skill now, just imagine how great you’ll be at ignoring all the unsolicited wedding advice you’re about to get!
Now, tell me, what’s the worst listening fail you’ve ever experienced (either as the listener or the talker)? Drop it in the comments so we can laugh together. And remember: nodding and saying “Yeah, totally” only works for so long!