So, you’re about to get engaged. Congratulations! Or condolences, depending on how many unsolicited opinions you’ve received from nosy relatives and random Facebook acquaintances. One minute, you’re happily pinning engagement ring inspo to your secret Pinterest board (don’t lie, we all have one), and the next, you’re dodging questions like, “So when’s the wedding?” at every family gathering.
But let’s talk about the real fear lurking behind the perfectly filtered Instagram proposal shot: losing your independence. You love your partner, sure, but you also love your solo Saturday morning Target runs, having your side of the bed just so, and eating cheese straight from the fridge without judgment. Marriage is supposed to be about partnership, but what if it turns into a lifetime of asking, “Hey, is it cool if I go out with my friends?” like you’re a teenager asking for the car keys?
Deep breaths. Your independence isn’t doomed. Here are eight solid solutions for keeping your sense of self (and your secret snack stash) intact as you embark on this new chapter.
1. Schedule “Me Time” Like It’s a VIP Event
If you can pencil in your third cousin’s wedding on a Tuesday afternoon (seriously, why?), you can schedule solo time for yourself. Whether it’s a weekly yoga class, a night in with Bridgerton and a face mask, or just an uninterrupted bubble bath where no one asks, “Have you seen my socks?”, protect this time like it’s the last piece of chocolate in the pantry.
2. Keep Your Hobbies (Even the Weird Ones)
Just because you’re getting engaged doesn’t mean you need to suddenly take up couples’ activities like synchronized paddleboarding. If you love salsa dancing, learning ASMR-worthy calligraphy, or rewatching The Office for the 17th time, keep doing it. Your hobbies are part of what makes you, you. Plus, think of the entertainment value when your future spouse walks in on you passionately discussing conspiracy theories about The Great British Bake Off.
3. Maintain Your Own Bank Account (Because Love Can’t Pay Your Sephora Bill)
Yes, merging finances is a thing couples do, but that doesn’t mean you have to turn into a joint bank account robot. Keeping some financial independence ensures you can still impulse-buy whatever TikTok tells you is life-changing without justifying it to anyone.
4. Set Boundaries with Your Future In-Laws (Before They Pick Out Your Curtains)
Listen, your future in-laws are probably lovely people (or at least tolerable over Thanksgiving dinner), but if they start “helping” with your decisions, it’s time to set some boundaries. A polite but firm “We’ll figure it out, thanks!” works wonders. And if that doesn’t work, just start talking about eloping to Vegas, works every time.
5. Keep Saying “Yes” to Your Friends (And Not Just to the Dress)
Your friendships existed before your engagement, and they should thrive afterward too. If your single bestie wants a girls’ night out or your work bestie needs a happy hour vent session, go. No one likes the friend who vanishes into relationship oblivion, only to emerge six months later wondering why no one invited them to brunch.
6. Don’t Let Social Media Dictate Your Relationship
Engagements come with a lot of social media pressure. You’ll be expected to post a perfectly candid-yet-staged engagement announcement, complete with a caption that’s equal parts romantic and witty. But real talk? Your relationship exists beyond Instagram. Your love is not measured in likes, and your happiness isn’t dependent on how many people comment “OMG so happy for you!!”
7. Keep Your Own Last Name (Or Don’t, But Make It Your Choice)
If you want to change your last name, great. If you don’t, also great. Just don’t let anyone pressure you into making that decision based on tradition alone. And if you do change it, at least make sure your new monogram doesn’t accidentally spell something weird.
8. Communicate (Like, Actually Talk About It)
Jokes aside, if you’re worried about losing your independence, talk to your partner about it. A healthy relationship means supporting each other’s individuality, not morphing into some two-headed version of The Notebook. Discuss expectations, personal space, and what independence means to both of you. (And no, saying “I’m fine” doesn’t count as communication.)
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Disappearing, You’re Evolving
Getting engaged isn’t about giving up who you are; it’s about growing together while still being your own person. So keep your independence, keep your quirks, and for the love of all things holy, keep your own Netflix profile, because sharing one always ends in heartbreak.
Now, tell me, what’s your biggest fear about getting engaged? Drop your thoughts (or best engagement horror stories) in the comments below!