So, you’re this close to getting engaged. Your nails are done just in case, your Pinterest board is bursting at the seams, and you’ve mastered the art of dodging Aunt Linda’s “When’s the proposal?!” interrogation at every family gathering. But before you start practicing your best “I said YES!” Instagram caption, let’s talk about something that actually matters, faith. Because while matching wedding colors is cute, matching beliefs (or at least knowing where you both stand) is kinda important too.
1. Sunday Mornings: Brunch or Bible?
Are you both showing up to church together, or is one of you more committed to the Gospel of Bottomless Mimosas? It’s all fun and games until you realize you have different expectations about how faith fits into your weekly routine. So, before you get engaged, discuss what church attendance looks like for both of you, and if you’re okay with occasional “bedside Baptist” services.
2. Prayer Habits: Table Blessings or Deep Intercession?
Does your fiancé say grace like, “God is great, God is good, thanks for the food,” or is he the kind of guy who prays so long your food goes cold? Figure out if you’re spiritually aligned when it comes to prayer life, or at least agree on a reasonable length for pre-dinner blessings.
3. Denomination Drama: Methodist, Baptist, or ‘I Just Love Jesus’?
If you’re picturing a quaint little chapel and he’s envisioning a megachurch with a jumbotron, you might need to chat. Differences in denomination (or lack thereof) can be minor, or they can turn into theological debates that rival your Uncle Bob’s Thanksgiving political rants. Best to sort it out early.
4. Theology Talks: Predestination vs. Free Will (or Let’s Not Fight on the Honeymoon)
Are you both on the same page about big theological concepts, or do you have very different takes on things like salvation, the Holy Spirit, and whether or not Adam and Eve had belly buttons? You don’t need a seminary degree, but if your core beliefs don’t align, it’s good to know before you order those “Faith & Forever” wedding napkins.
5. Serving Together: Volunteering or ‘I’ll Just Write a Check’?
You’re passionate about missions, and he’s passionate about not waking up before 10 AM on Saturdays. Does serving together matter to you? Whether it’s volunteering at a food pantry, supporting missionaries, or just being a friendly face at church, make sure you both have similar expectations on what living out your faith looks like.
6. Raising Kids: Bible Stories or ‘Let Them Choose’?
You will have this conversation at some point, either now, before you’re married, or later when you’re debating whether VeggieTales or Paw Patrol is more spiritually enriching. Do you both want to raise kids in a specific faith tradition? Will they go to Sunday school or just learn about faith at home? Talk it out before tiny humans enter the picture.
7. Money Matters: Tithing or ‘God Knows My Heart’?
Does your fiancé believe in giving 10% of his income, or is he more of a “God knows I would tithe if I had extra” kind of guy? Financial disagreements are one of the top causes of marital stress, so be real about how faith affects your financial decisions, including generosity, stewardship, and whether or not “prosperity gospel” means upgrading to first class.
8. In-Law Influence: Holy Advice or Holy Headache?
Are his parents super involved in his faith? Will they expect you to follow certain traditions? Will your future mother-in-law casually slip a Bible study invite into your wedding shower gifts? Knowing how faith plays into your future in-laws’ expectations can save you from some seriously awkward holiday conversations.
9. Personal Growth: Growing Together or Growing Apart?
Do you challenge each other spiritually, or are you just hoping things “work out” over time? A strong marriage isn’t about having identical beliefs, it’s about growing together. If one of you is deeply committed to faith and the other is just along for the ride, it might be time for a heart-to-heart before you start dress shopping.
The Takeaway: Faith is a Big Deal, But So is Love
Marriage is more than a cute hashtag and an aesthetically pleasing wedding venue, it’s a lifelong commitment. And while it’s okay to have some differences, being wildly misaligned on faith can lead to bigger issues down the road. So, before you say “Yes!” to the dress, make sure you’ve said “Yes!” to some honest conversations.
Got an interesting (or hilarious) story about discussing faith with your fiancé? Drop it in the comments, I promise I won’t judge (much).