So, you’re this close to getting engaged. The Pinterest board is thriving, your nail game is impeccable (just in case there’s a surprise proposal), and you’ve mastered the art of dodging Aunt Linda’s “When is he popping the question?” interrogation at every family gathering. But before you start practicing your shocked-but-not-too-shocked reaction for the big moment, let’s take a step back and ask some important questions.
Because, let’s be real, weddings are one day (a magical, Instagram-worthy, budget-destroying day), but marriage is, well, forever. And before you say yes, you need to make sure you’re on the same page about the long game. So, grab a glass of wine (or a double espresso if you’re reading this at work, no judgment) and let’s dive into five crucial questions that will help you gauge your partner’s commitment.
1. “How do we handle conflict, like, really handle it?”
Sure, you two can debate whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, and I will die on this hill), but what happens when it’s something serious? Like finances, family, or the actual division of household chores (because “helping” with the dishes is not the same as doing the dishes). If your partner’s idea of conflict resolution is sending one-word texts and going ghost for 48 hours, red flag.
A committed partner understands that marriage isn’t about winning arguments, it’s about finding solutions. So, ask yourselves: Can we communicate even when we’re annoyed? Do we fight fair, or do we throw around phrases like “just like your mother” and storm out? (Spoiler: If it’s the latter, there’s work to do.)
2. “What does commitment mean to you?”
I know, I know. This sounds like something straight out of a self-help book that you’d buy but never read. But trust me, this matters. For some, commitment means monogamy and unwavering loyalty. For others, it might mean an open dialogue about evolving needs. And for a select few, commitment means waiting three business days before responding to texts (which is not the vibe, btw).
You need to know how your partner defines commitment before you’re knee-deep in joint tax filings and deciding whose parents get Christmas this year.
3. “Can we actually build a life together, or do we just like dating?”
Look, dating is fun. Fancy dinners, spontaneous weekend trips, the thrill of sending a flirty text even though you’ve been together for three years, it’s all great. But marriage? That’s teamwork. That’s budgeting for a mortgage instead of booking last-minute flights to Cancun. That’s seeing each other at your absolute worst, like when one of you has food poisoning and the other has to hold the bucket. (Romance!)
Before you say yes, ask yourselves: Do we function well as partners? Can we problem-solve like a dream team, or do we just enjoy getting dressed up for date night and pretending we have it all figured out?
4. “Are we on the same page about the big stuff?”
You’d be surprised how many people get engaged without ever having an honest conversation about things like kids, careers, religion, or where they actually want to live long-term. (Because plot twist: Just because you both love New York doesn’t mean you both want to live there forever.)
If one of you envisions a quiet life in the suburbs with a golden retriever and the other dreams of backpacking through Asia indefinitely, you might need to talk. A committed partner is willing to discuss and, when necessary, compromise on these major life plans before you’re legally bound to each other.
5. “If social media didn’t exist, would we still be as excited about getting engaged?”
Listen, I’m not saying that planning your engagement announcement caption (“Can’t wait to annoy him forever! ”) is a bad thing. But sometimes, we get so caught up in the idea of the moment that we forget to ask ourselves if we’re genuinely ready for the marriage.
If you’re more stressed about whether the ring will be aesthetic enough for Instagram than whether your partner is truly your lifelong teammate, it’s time for some deep reflection. A committed relationship isn’t about public validation, it’s about private dedication.
Final Thoughts: Are You Really Ready to Say Yes?
At the end of the day, love isn’t just about the grand gestures, it’s about the daily choices. The “I’ll take care of the dishes tonight” choices. The “I know you had a rough day, so I picked up your favorite snacks” choices. The “yes, I still love you even though you leave wet towels on the bed” choices.
So before you say yes, take a moment to answer these questions with brutal honesty. And if you’ve got some funny, awkward, or painfully real engagement stories, drop them in the comments. Because let’s face it, we could all use a little more honesty (and humor) in this wild world of love and commitment.